Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Fun Slasher Flick!

The Hills Run Red (2009, Dave Parker) - 81 min.
I picked this one up at the store because the cover was actually pretty freakin' cool.  Too frequently, super-awesome cover equals sucky movie (e.g. Hellride, Sweet Insanity, Beyond the Wall of Sleep, etcetera).  The Hills Run Red, however, was quite fun.
This one's a fun slasher flick about some friends who are on a quest to rediscover a film that has been missing for countless years.  Along the way they find the mysterious director's daughter and she helps them to find her father.  The slasher, Babyface, is actually creepy and an unusually intelligent slasher.  The end of the film has been done before, but not overly so.
Although I doubt this one would hold up upon repeat viewings, it's fun for a one-time view.  Check it out if you get the chance.

WTF?! Film #2

Gutterballs (2009, Ryan Nicolson) - 94 min.
Hmm, where to begin with this one?  Well, there was quite a bit of hype for this one.  I heard almost 100% great things about it.  Unfortunately, I found Gutterballs to be all hype and absolutely no substance.
This movie is almost a porno, which is fine if that's what you're looking for, but that was not what I was expecting.  I didn't care about any of the characters.  The ending was ridiculous, predictable, and silly.
On the bright side, some of the kills were pretty interesting.  The Bowling Bag Killer was also a pretty original idea.  Kudos for those, but not enough to save the movie.
Essentially, this movie suffered from excessive hype and the inability to come even remotely close to living up to said hype.

Monday, October 19, 2009

My apologies...

... for the horrendous spacing of my blog.  I can't figure out why it's happening, but Blogger seems to be registering one stroke of the enter key as two.  It makes no sense.

It's Dead!

It's Alive (2008, Josef Rusnak) - 85 min.
This is a remake of the 1974 classic of the same name.  Although writer/director of the original, Larry Cohen, helped with the screenplay of this remake, it failed in all aspects.  The acting was atrocious, the story was pretty much nonexistent, and the effects were crappy CGI.

I rarely find horror movies that I strongly dislike; usually I can find some enjoyment in the worst of them.  That's why I love the horror genre so much.  It's Alive, however, is another story.  I had to double time the movie just to get through it.  
Stay far, far away from this one.


Cartoons, Boobs, and pretty much everything else.

........But mostly boobs.
The Haunted World of el Superbeasto (2009, Rob Zombie) – 74 min.
Well, make sure you are very comfortable with those whom you choose to watch this film with.  You will be assaulted from start to finish with highly offensive material, such as full female nudity, gore, full male nudity, masturbation, sex, more violence, musical numbers, and more.  Well, this may be offensive to some, I, however, enjoyed all of the mentioned above quite a bit.  
Starring Paul Giamatti, Rosario Dawson, Sheri Moon Zombie, Tom Papa, and the rest of Mr. Zombie's usual entourage, this film is almost filled to the brim with actors.  Paul Giamatti and Rosario Dawson were the best of the voice-actors, probably because their characters fit them so well.  Sheri Moon Zombie, not so much.  I still love her though and am insanely jealous of her beautiful hair.
The Haunted World of el Superbeasto is totally random and barely sensical, but still, amazingly, fun to watch.  While far from Rob Zombie's best, The Haunted World of el Superbeasto was pretty darn entertaining.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Zombie Babies & Demon Mommies

Grace (2009, Paul Solet) - 85 min.
After losing her unborn child, Madeline Matheson insists on carrying the baby to term. Following the delivery, the child miraculously returns to life with an appetite for human blood.
Full of scenes that make even the most hardened of horror-hounds squirm, Grace is an interesting interpretation of what a mother is willing to do to raise her child.  Grace is more about the mother, Madeline (Jordan Ladd), than her blood-craving child.  Throughout the film, Madeline cares for Grace, even though it is slowly revealed that Grace is no normal child, even going as far as to murder in order to provide food for Grace.
The acting, although nothing spectacular, was fine, as were most of the special effects.  There were a few occurrences of bad CGI, but nothing too egregious.  The story was pretty interesting as well, although some characters were not always consistent.  My main complaint about the film comes from the end.  The end felt very cookie-cutter and wasn't anything special.  It was kind of a let down after the rest of the movie.
Overall, definitely worth checking out, especially if you want to make a pregnant friend freak out.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Beneath the Surface (2007, Blake Reigle) - 90 min.

This is a movie about an emo kid named Ethan, who is in lurve with the pretty girl in school.  But, alas, miss Kahlah's dating a jock who won't let her have anything to do with Ethan.  When the jock boyfriend, Shane, makes Kahlah overdose on ecstasy in an attempt to get in her pants, Ethan has a real reason to be emo.  Everybody's sad, blah blah blah, Shane doesn't get in trouble like he should, blah blah blah, emo kid cries, then decides the only thing to do is use his crazy neighbor's Aztec artifacts to resurrect Kahlah.  He does, and then spends way too much of the movie trying to get her to talk.  Finally, she sees Shane, remembers that he killed her, and then kills him.

The description on the dvd case made this movie seem like it would be so much better than it was.  I blind bought this one because it seemed like it would be interesting.  Sadly, this is probably the worst movie I own.  All the characters were stereotypical and boring, the acting was pretty bad, and a lot of the editing and camera work was almost unwatchable.  Forget my three dollars, I want those 90 minutes of my life back.


Saturday, September 12, 2009

WTF?! Film #1

Surveillance (2008, Jennifer Lynch) - 97 min. - 7/10

It's quite fitting that the first film of WTF?! Film Reviews is directed by a relative of David Lynch.  Jennifer Lynch is, in fact, David Lynch's daughter and it seems that Jennifer Lynch learned much about writing and directing crazy, f-ed up movies from her father.  I wonder if she watched Eraserhead (1977) when she was little.  That would teach any kid a lesson in crazy.  

Anyways, Surveillance was actually quite brilliant.  Although not quite as surrealistic as many of David Lynch's films, Surveillance is full of the same twisted characters and is a masterfully written story.  With actors such as Michael Ironside, Bill Pullman, and Julia Ormond, the characters are portrayed very well and keep the viewer entertained throughout the film.  This one's definitely worth checking out if you like a good crime movie.

Friday, September 11, 2009

A Guide to Zombie Ninja's Ratings!

0 - 1 -- Doesn't even deserve to be called a motion picture.
2 - 3 -- Awful, stay away at all costs.
4 - 5 -- Awful, but fun to make fun of.
6 ----- Just "meh," not great, but not awful.
7 ----- Not great, but still good. Generally I give this score to either semi-bad films that I happen to really like or good films that I don't particularly like.
8 - 9 -- Darn near perfect film. Either that or I just really love it.
10----- Perfect (or as close as I've ever seen to it). Glorious. Amazing. I love it.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Resident Evil 5 (360)

Wow, Resident Evil 5 is incredibly frustrating.  The gameplay is almost identical to that of Resident Evil 4, which is fine by me, but when they increase the difficulty level so that I have to play on easy, I start to get pissed off.  When I shoot a zombie in the head, I expect it to die, not grunt and keep coming for me.  That's the rule.  Shoot zombies in the head and they don't get up.  Duh.

Unless you're a huge fan of Resident Evil 4, skip this one.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Smile for the camera?

Smile Pretty (2009, Harry Bromley Davenport) - 87 min.
I picked this one up because it stars Scout Taylor Compton and Halloween II just came out, so I wanted to see if Miss Compton can do more than scream.  As it turns out, she should stick to the screaming.  Smile Pretty is just not a good movie.  The idea behind the film was a good one (young adults who had all been sexually abused as children coming together and using each other), but the directing and acting kind of killed it.  The film felt like it had been directed by a mediocre film student; transitions were hokey and predictable, and the camera work was sloppy.  The acting wasn't awful, but it wasn't of the caliber that this kind of story needs in order to make it interesting.
This wasn't even one of those movies that's so bad it's entertaining, you just have to sit there and wallow in the awful.  I'd avoid it at all costs.


Thursday, August 27, 2009

Beware the Bear Jew!

Inglourious Basterds (2009, Quentin Tarantino) - 153 min. - 8/10 

When watching Inglourious Basterds, one can definitely tell that it's a Quentin Tarantino flick; it's very stylized and violent, the characters are quite unique, and, of course, the movie is almost three hours long.  Not once, however, did I find myself bored and wondering when the movie would end. Inglourious Basterds flows in a manner similar to Jackie Brown (1997): lagging at times, but spattered with acts of extreme violence.  This definitely isn't Tarantino's greatest film, but it's still quite spectacular.  

My only complaints are about the score and a few scenes where Tarantino let Eli Roth talk too much.  Usually, I absolutely adore the music Tarantino picks to accompany his films, but I was a bit disappointed at times by the Inglourious Basterds score.  I have never heard Tarantino reuse songs for his films, but he used three or four songs in Inglourious Basterds that he had previously used in Kill Bill (2003).  This sort of took me out of the movie and made me think of Kill Bill instead.  As for my gripe about Eli Roth, he's just not a very good actor and shouldn't be allowed to dominate the screen.

Here's my ranking of Tarantino's most famous films:
1. Pulp Fiction (1994) - 10/10
2. Kill Bill (2003) - 9/10
3. Resevoir Dogs (1992) - 8/10
4. Inglourious Basterds (2009) - 8/10
5. Death Proof (2007) - 6/10
6. Jackie Brown (1997) - 6/10

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Crazies Running Motels

Vacancy 2: The First Cut (2009, Eric Bross) - 86 min.

Eh, Vacancy 2 was okay.  It provided an interesting look into the origins of the villains from Vacancy (2007), but was a pretty awful movie overall.  Good idea, bad execution.  Maybe worth watching if you can catch it on TV.


Sunday, August 16, 2009

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!

Beetlejuice (1988, Tim Burton) - 92 min. - 8/10

Today at work a co-worker popped the Tim Burton flick, Beetlejuice, into the Blu-Ray player. This prompted me to start blabbering about what I remembered of the Beetlejuice cartoon.  Being the somewhat sick and twisted person that I am, it's no surprise that I loved the Beetlejuice cartoon as a kid.  I'm convinced that my mom loved watching the cartoon with me.  She says I'm lying.  I think she's just in denial.

Anyways, this is such a great movie.  Michael Keaton did a wonderful job as the infamous Beetlejuice, and Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin were great as the unfortunate ghost couple.  My favorite scene is the dinner scene in which Lydia's parents and guests are possessed and made to dance and sing to the Day-O Banana Boat Song.  This isn't Tim Burton's best work, but that's like saying Jaws isn't Steven Spielberg's best; it's still a spectacular movie.