Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Zombie Babies & Demon Mommies

Grace (2009, Paul Solet) - 85 min.
              
After losing her unborn child, Madeline Matheson insists on carrying the baby to term. Following the delivery, the child miraculously returns to life with an appetite for human blood.
        
Full of scenes that make even the most hardened of horror-hounds squirm, Grace is an interesting interpretation of what a mother is willing to do to raise her child.  Grace is more about the mother, Madeline (Jordan Ladd), than her blood-craving child.  Throughout the film, Madeline cares for Grace, even though it is slowly revealed that Grace is no normal child, even going as far as to murder in order to provide food for Grace.
          
The acting, although nothing spectacular, was fine, as were most of the special effects.  There were a few occurrences of bad CGI, but nothing too egregious.  The story was pretty interesting as well, although some characters were not always consistent.  My main complaint about the film comes from the end.  The end felt very cookie-cutter and wasn't anything special.  It was kind of a let down after the rest of the movie.
            
Overall, definitely worth checking out, especially if you want to make a pregnant friend freak out.
      
6/10

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Beneath the Surface (2007, Blake Reigle) - 90 min.

This is a movie about an emo kid named Ethan, who is in lurve with the pretty girl in school.  But, alas, miss Kahlah's dating a jock who won't let her have anything to do with Ethan.  When the jock boyfriend, Shane, makes Kahlah overdose on ecstasy in an attempt to get in her pants, Ethan has a real reason to be emo.  Everybody's sad, blah blah blah, Shane doesn't get in trouble like he should, blah blah blah, emo kid cries, then decides the only thing to do is use his crazy neighbor's Aztec artifacts to resurrect Kahlah.  He does, and then spends way too much of the movie trying to get her to talk.  Finally, she sees Shane, remembers that he killed her, and then kills him.

The description on the dvd case made this movie seem like it would be so much better than it was.  I blind bought this one because it seemed like it would be interesting.  Sadly, this is probably the worst movie I own.  All the characters were stereotypical and boring, the acting was pretty bad, and a lot of the editing and camera work was almost unwatchable.  Forget my three dollars, I want those 90 minutes of my life back.

2/10

Saturday, September 12, 2009

WTF?! Film #1

Surveillance (2008, Jennifer Lynch) - 97 min. - 7/10

It's quite fitting that the first film of WTF?! Film Reviews is directed by a relative of David Lynch.  Jennifer Lynch is, in fact, David Lynch's daughter and it seems that Jennifer Lynch learned much about writing and directing crazy, f-ed up movies from her father.  I wonder if she watched Eraserhead (1977) when she was little.  That would teach any kid a lesson in crazy.  

Anyways, Surveillance was actually quite brilliant.  Although not quite as surrealistic as many of David Lynch's films, Surveillance is full of the same twisted characters and is a masterfully written story.  With actors such as Michael Ironside, Bill Pullman, and Julia Ormond, the characters are portrayed very well and keep the viewer entertained throughout the film.  This one's definitely worth checking out if you like a good crime movie.

Friday, September 11, 2009

A Guide to Zombie Ninja's Ratings!

0 - 1 -- Doesn't even deserve to be called a motion picture.
2 - 3 -- Awful, stay away at all costs.
4 - 5 -- Awful, but fun to make fun of.
6 ----- Just "meh," not great, but not awful.
7 ----- Not great, but still good. Generally I give this score to either semi-bad films that I happen to really like or good films that I don't particularly like.
8 - 9 -- Darn near perfect film. Either that or I just really love it.
10----- Perfect (or as close as I've ever seen to it). Glorious. Amazing. I love it.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Resident Evil 5 (360)

Wow, Resident Evil 5 is incredibly frustrating.  The gameplay is almost identical to that of Resident Evil 4, which is fine by me, but when they increase the difficulty level so that I have to play on easy, I start to get pissed off.  When I shoot a zombie in the head, I expect it to die, not grunt and keep coming for me.  That's the rule.  Shoot zombies in the head and they don't get up.  Duh.

Unless you're a huge fan of Resident Evil 4, skip this one.